Be Kind to Yourself

We all know about drug abuse, distracted driving, and other evils that will destroy us.  I didn't learn this until now because no one tells you this:

Bad things will happen to your body if you abuse it by overwork, lack of sleep, or bad eating—and I’m not talking about obesity.

• For a lark, college students stay awake until they pass out. 
• Busy people (ie., Everyone) thinks, “I work the hardest and longest so I win!” 
• Since we could all shed a pound or two, a missed meal seems almost wise. 

People live longer now. The ones who get weird diseases are often the ones who ignored their body when it said, “That’s it, time to rest. No, really. Stop now.”  One day your body no longer sends signals. It gets confused and doesn’t know whose side it’s on so it defects and you’re autoimmune.  Look up Parkinsons and the first fact is “Caused by damaged brain cells.”

• Mega-loss-of-sleep in even one prolonged episode kills brain cells.
• Our bodies are made to work—and rest and repair and restore.  Rest is not optional
• Regular intense dieting kills brain cells. (Carbs as a sub for food can be a form of starvation.) A little protein 3x a day.

 
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I've talked about everyone protecting your BACK by lifting with your knees, etc.
 
Now, here's a GUY version of the above caution.  Men are used to stepping up, carrying the heavy loads, moving the furniture, etc.  However, when a guy's body ages, it begins to lose muscle mass.  This is just ordinary.  But being guys, they keep right on lifting.  The result is damage to their shoulders, joints, back, spine.  Guys, be wise.  And in your older years, you do need to keep up a little more lifting at the gym or in your basement in order to protect your back and to continue to lift and carry.

Unity--Long May It Wave

We love and miss you, Whitney Houston. We will forever thank you for this. (starts at 0:37.) 

Sporting events were new to me in HS. Such excitement.  Such hope of victory. Here came our RIVALS, the opponents we planned to DEFEAT, running out on our field.  Then, OUR team!  GO, FIGHTING WOLVES!

As the pre-game excitement mounted, our attention was called to the flag. Everyone knew what to do. Hats came off. The mood changed and calm came over the crowd on both sides of the field. We stood. We sang.

I was fascinated by the ritual.  I got it.  And I liked it.  For those moments, instead of competitors we were united. Because the truth was, we didn't hate each other. We were not actual enemies. This was a game. The anthem reminded us of our oneness.

And at sporting contests across America we heard, "Now will you all please rise..."

Turning 70

Well, hold on to your hat.  We're only 72 and trying to hang on. Barring anything major,  here are some differences in mind and body between being 50 and being 70 with examples and a few coping solutions:

50's: Routine--Work, work extra hard for a deadline, be exhausted, rest up, and start over.
70's: Work, work extra hard for a dead line, be exhausted, get sick, stay sick, barely recover.  Rethink working extra hard.

50's:  Keep planner handy and schedule a full day.
70's:  Plan two things, maybe three. Do NOT push. Some days shower counts as an event.

50's: Still want house to look attractive with current touches. Still cleaning.
70's: Still want a nice house but want someone else to do it.  Someone hired to clean. Especially don't care if sick.

50's: Looking for style that becomes your age.  Go back in house for matching scarf.
70's: Still looking for style that becomes, but mostly going for easy on, easy off.  First elastic-band slacks but hide waist with big shirt.

50's: Hair turning grayer and thinner but still OK.
70's: Be grateful if your hair stays thick because you can be natural.  If thin, good luck.

50's:  Some short term memory loss, forget names, but overall stay sharp.
70's:  What?  Why did we come to the store?  Call everyone "Sweetheart" and don't worry about names.  Write things down.  Study calendar in the mornings.  Put things back in same place such as keys or journal; park in same place at grocery store. Simplify all belongings.

50's: Intellectual interest are spurred by work, children.
70's: Seek interests.  Find book club with like-minded souls.  Seek out good friends for discussion.  Keep the newspaper or a couple of good sources. Use selected IG accounts. Play word games, sudoku, cards.

50's:  Interest in genealogy.
70's:  Feeling urgency to pass the torch, share family stories, do the work. A need to share all you know while you can.

50's:  Eat what you want when you want.
70's:  What you want changes.  Large portions disgust, especially at night; sugar is cloyingly sweet; too much food causes horrible heartburn; chocolate allergy causes ear, nose, throat infection; glass of milk requires acidopholus or yogurt on the side to be OK.

50's:  If weight issues, walk and exercise.  Cut out fry sauce.
70's:  Weight issues.  Your metabolism changes.  Don't give up, but expect a little more on.

50's:  Body stiffens: Feels like person does when getting out of car after long trip. 
70's:  Feel stiff after 1/2 hour in one place.  Sometimes feel out of balance. All muscles sore.  Exercise is imperative to stay limber; you can just make up a workout at home.  Fast movements damage shoulder joints, hip joints, cause stiff neck, so you move with caution, slower.  More care on stairs.

50's:  Of course, your face is aging, but women still look naturally pretty.
70's:  Unmistakably wrinkled.  Don't get work done if you can help it. Be wary. (Some women like GG at 85 really couldn't open her eyes well with her heavy lids, but the procedure takes away your natural softness and grandmotherly sweetness.)

50's:  Still active intimacy.
70's:  Often enough. Good over-the-counter lotions for women, but pricey ($60);  Life-flo Progesta-Care and BiEstro-care; use dab of each on arms, etc. Contact me w/questions.

50's:  Now and then bladder issues but nothing like on TV.
70's:  Like on TV.

IMPORTANT:  Probably the biggest surprise is the change in motivation, in energy and purpose.  I always thought I would paint more since Grandma Moses started at 80, but the urge is all but gone. (!)  I want to organize and purge our things but it takes more energy and focus than I seem to have.  Projects seem too big.  I want to spend my energy with grandchildren.  So my message is GET READY for the 70's.  Get things in order, get the right house if you can, simplify your life and your belongings. Really, enjoy the 60's if possible, but prepare.

LOVE YOU!

OLD Friends and Shakespeare

I love our book club in Brigham City--Sharon Williams and me with a comfortable group of like-minded folk.  Each month we're loaned a different book on the theme for the year, and 2016 is SHAKESPEARE. 

Book #1  Bill Bryson doesn't take himself too seriously in this informative, funny account:                      "A little known fact about Shakespeare is that his father moved to Stratford-on-Avon from a nearby village shortly before his son's birth.  Had he not done so, the Bard of Avon would instead be known as the rather less ringing Bard of Snitterfield." 



Book #2  By Greenblatt, an editor of textbooks such as the Norton Anthology of English Literature.   Our book read like a textbook at times but, like a textbook, was packed with details.

                 



Book #3  We read an excellent edition of Hamlet complete with illustrations and good notes.

The best outcome for me: In preparation I watched Hamlet 2000 set in NYC. Wow. Loved it.  "Don't be scared off.  Almereyda's Hamlet is a visual knockout that sets the Bard's words against striking images. 'To be or not to be' is spoken by this Hamlet in a video store." 

Best comment from our class discussion on Will's motivation:  "Everyone already knew the story.  He probably wrote it just to entertain. A soap opera."

Book # 4 Just got this one Thursday.  Can't wait. 







Suggestions:  You might like Bill Bryson's book, The World as Stage.  An entertaining yet informative overview of Shakespeare.
 
See the movie, Hamlet 2000, just for the clever filming, the images.  (I read a synopsis and reviewed the famous lines first.)

Little Old Lady -- Turning 60

OVERVIEW  Not bad at all, the 60's. In fact, they're good.  Barring catastrophe, 60's people carry on well.  Your sixties usually means retirement. In most cases, finances are OK.  We can get around and enjoy, still contribute, travel.  We have our wits about us.  It's fun!

And we're still vibrant. I mean, to my surprise, I got a couple of serious compliments from younger men while in my 60's. Their wives or someone told me that the husbands had said, "for an older woman" Donna was pretty "foxy."  A little weird, but I'm just telling that. 

Here we're all in our late 60's or early 70's

Of course, you still worry about the changes, but you laugh over it with your OLD friends.  You can't move around as fast. One girlfriend told about getting on her hands and knees to crawl out of the bathtub.  Another one couldn't reach to clip her toe nails. We laughed ourselves silly.

 

 


SIGNS OF THE TIMES
You see other signs throughout the 60's decade.

Diminished height
Sagging eyelids, more face wrinkles
Graying hair--possibly thinning
More memory loss, usually short term
Less energy
Food intolerance (often milk, red meat)
Bladder issues
Hearing diminished
Neuropathy in feet, middle toes
Tendency to hunch over
Occasional hand tremors
Possible joint issues
more

FALSE ALARMS
Since you're expecting to age, you may think you're aging when it's something else.

1. I went to a neurologist for neuropathy in my middle toes and fingers, thinking they were related. Turns out my feet were, in fact, aging slowly but nothing to worry about.  My hands, on the other hand, were just coincidental.  I learned that I had a weird habit. After slathering my dry hands in oily lotion at bedtime, I would curl up my fingers to avoid get grease on the sheets.  The curling-fingers habit was causing the neuropathy.  I stopped and it stopped.

2. We see so many bladder commercials that when I found myself needing to go more often I accepted it philosophically. "This is my life now."  But I was miserable, looking for a WC every hour.  After months, I finally took an anti-biotic, following the dosage strictly, and I felt young again! The problem wasn't age but a simple, curable infection.

APPEARANCE
Honestly, most of my friends look at their appearance differently.  As you get older, you still want to look nice, but you drop any ideas of trying to be cool.  That is, any aged woman who is trying to look young or keep up with stylin' trends just looks sad.  Some opt for an "artsy" look but that can appear hippie and contrived.  I mean, "You're that old and you're in that get-up, still focused on looks?"

I say, let the measure of your appearance be your character. And I'm not kidding. No one is looking at you expecting you to be a fashion maven.  I don't try to buy clothes for my 30 something figure--it's gone.  That doesn't mean you give up. Most women go for traditional dress. Tasteful, understated, classic

But "pretty" gets a new definition. It is, in all honesty, an evaluation of your FACE--not for "beauty" in the young sense, but for kindness, for your character.  One of my friends said that by the time women get old, they all look the same.  In a sense she's right.

Do stand up straight.  There are easy posture exercises. Ask Ben Gunn. I was fairly good until I was in a car accident and hunched over against the pain. I've had to work at standing tall. Well, 5'1" is not exactly tall.  Yes, you shrink.

MENOPAUSE
This probably will start in your 50's.  I'm not writing about it much because it is so different for every woman that I'm afraid I can't help. My mother hardly noticed it, but my cousin has had hot flashes for over 20 years. : /   I started taking Premarin in my late 40's at  Dr. Staheli's  suggestion.  The research said it was good for your heart.  Then the research said it was bad.  Then good.  Then I realized that Estrodial was much cheaper.  I'm only now going off of it altogether, and going through the hot flash thing again.

Along the same lines, what about intimacy? Are older women still active?  There's so much written about it that I don't need to add more.
 
CAUTIONS
1.) Take care of your back. Through the years, be careful.  Don't lift heavy things.  Bend and use your legs.  Or better yet, kneel down to get that spot off the floor or that item on the bottom shelf  rather then bending to the task. It takes longer but worth it to PROTECT YOUR BACK. 

2.) Your eyelids collapse.  This happens suddenly.  At first you think your face is puffy in the morning mirror.  You're surprised that your eyelids are swollen, but by afternoon it's gone.  But in the coming days you realize that, no, your eyelids are sagging--and it's permanent.  Most women consider their eyes their best feature, so this is a big loss, a big change. [Caution: warning about getting "work done" in another post.]

Turning 50

I liked my 50th birthday, a simple party at Sara and Steve's. In fact, I've been OK on most birthdays provided I've filled my life with the things that matter most and that I've used my time, my turn on Earth.  I only feel panic when I feel like I'm off track or have wasted time or missed opportunity.

I deserved to be celebrated for turning 50.   I had worked hard. Sacrificed.  Sought opportunities, and made them. I had loved. And I had been loved.  Our wonderful, amazing children were getting married, having babies, going on missions.

On my 50th birthday, I didn't know Mike and I had just two years left.

Fifties are good years.  You're conscious of being older, but so busy you don't have time to worry. You anticipate aging, but you still feel good, and really, you know you still look good. 

I was 55 when I remarried.

Passing the Torch

What do you leave?   No one really wants your stuff, I'm afraid.  They already have more than enough to take care of.

Lloyd Carlyle Pack, Gabrielle Stanley, Lucille Evans Pack, summer 1974

In my case, I feel impelled to bridge the gap, to leave information. (No wonder old people are verbose.)  My concern is, in part, because of the fast pace of technology.  Things are moving FORWARD so rapidly and it's so EXCITING, no one can be bothered with the dull past. I don't blame them.

They are right to think it's amazing.  It IS.  SO AMAZING.

But when you stand on the shoulders of Giants, sooner or later you may wonder about them. Then, too, in a lot of cases younger people don't get it.  They misinterpret the past--at least the little part that I know.   So I'll leave what little I can, and when they need it, it will be there.

Last week I finished my Dad's biography, which I began with interviews in 1989.  I say finished, but it's open-ended.  The very next day I found more photos to include. Here's the link.

 

70th Birthday

I am 70.

My birthday celebration was huge for me--the BEST ever over Labor Day.  I still feel euphoric to think of it.  However, when December 20th actually rolled around, smack in the middle of the Christmas Rush as always, self-pity seeped in. After all, I didn't have any of my family coming to town so the holiday ahead loomed bleak.  

But I thought of my dad.  One time when I was a teenager I muttered some petulant thing about being bored, and my father said impatiently, "Go do something for someone!"  It wasn't the first time he'd said it to us.

I determined to do 70 kind things for people on my 70th birthday.  A lofty goal, so I planned to count sending out 40 Christmas cards, possibly doing Indexing for 20 people to help me succeed.

Anyway, my point of view made all the difference.  First thing, I helped Salli and kids out (our Mac grandkids) who were leaving early, sending them off with some quicky breakfast food.  I spent the whole day focused on who needed what and kept a little log of how I was doing.

A highlight was a visit with EllaRee, my 90-year-old friend.  She sent me a lovely note saying how much she needed a visit. "Have a Happy Holiday Season and so will I, thanks to you."

I didn't reach my goal--even with my work on Christmas cards and Indexing.  But what a life saver!!  I was in genuinely good spirits all day. Even patient with Rog when we rounded out the day with a boring Gossner Classic Aggie basketball game--in overtime. 

(FYI, I don't really mind a December Birthday.  It's mine.  But everyone, including me, is absorbed in celebrating another December Birthday which has far greater significance.  I loved celebrating this year over Labor Day.  Or mine can wait, such as the card promising a dinner date in January.)

True to the Faith

How grateful I am for my heritage of faithful Mormons!   Good, honorable, hardworking and intelligent people--people who were true to their faith.  "Honest and true."

The Packs, my father's family, joined the Mormon Church in the 1800's.  They survived the conflict in Missouri despite Julia and John Pack being kidnapped by an anti-Mormon mob.
 She wrote,

           "[The leader said], 'You can bid your husband goodbye. You will never see him again'....I told him I would not go one inch, I said, 'If my husband dies, I will die with him.' I put my foot on the wheel of the wagon to jump to the ground when my husband took hold of my hand and whispered to me: 'You stay with the wagon and take care of the horses, I am not afraid of them and will be back soon.' They took him through a patch of hazel brush to an open space covered with grass. Sachel Woods, a ... minister said: 'Here will be your grave, we are going to kill you unless you will deny Joe Smith.' My husband said: 'Joseph Smith is a Prophet of God. You profess to be a preacher of righteousness and so do I. I'll meet you at the day of judgment.'
There were five or six of them. They talked around inquiring who would shoot him, but none seemed really willing to do the deed. Finally a man standing by our wagon called out--'Let that damned Mormon go.' "

Later the Packs trekked across the plains to join in establishing Salt Lake City.   The Pack women, all of them I knew, were outspoken and confident and smart, and they married fine, able, honorable men.  And they had fun and laughed a lot.  : )  They were faithful.

The Evanses, Mother's family, were similar. They were faithful Latter-day Saints who came West as well.  David Wooley Evans, evidently lucky to have made it, was from cultured people and he played the violin in the first SLC Symphony.  In addition, that branch of the family produced advertisers, as well as Richard L. Evans, the speaker for the Tabernacle Choir for years and an Apostle.  Richard and David were my Grandpa Willard's cousins.

These people were true to their faith.  My father and both of my grandfathers served missions and were true to their families.  My Grandma Harriet Pack's Book of Mormon with its worn leather binding, was full of her markings and notes. After being widowed, she worked for 30 years in the Salt Lake Temple.

My other Grandmother, Rachel Evans, was equally faithful, working for years in Stake Primary and at the Visitor's Center at the Los Angeles Temple.

Their faith has been passed down to me, so that I can say, "Jesus is the Christ. The Heavens are opened to revelation today.  The Church provides the way to return to Him and to our loving Heavenly Father, the way for Families to be together Forever.  We have living Prophets on the earth right now.  The Book of Mormon, along with the Bible, is true; they give us the words of God for us today."

There are plenty of other nice sounding messages out there, dispensed by good-hearted, well-intentioned people, but no message greater.  Mormon missionaries will be happy to give you details.

Art:  Minerva Teichart

Writing, FYI

Last month Aaron, a neighbor, asked me for help submitting a graduate school application.  His cover letter needed fine tuning.  I miss using all that knowledge I've acquired--like a lot of old people--so I loved helping him.

I told him not to feel foolish.  Few people remember everything they learned in writing class because they have little reason to think about it.  They'd be weird if they did think about it a lot.  But when you need it, you need it.

Language is fluid and changes all the time.  The current big hitter is social media.  For example, texting requires only half the alphabet, and those patterns have made their way into formal writing, IMHO. Cryptic messages are the norm as social media writers "omit needless words."   I don't mind the current trends, but some things haven't changed.

 A few reminders:

• Seasons of the year are not capitalized.  Write "spring,"  not  "Spring."
• Write "sons-in-law,"  not  "son-in-laws."
• Begin sentences with words, not numerals.  Write "Two days ago" not "2 days ago."
• For numbers under 10, write the words out; some people say under 20 so it's optional.  Write "Brucie is seven"  not "Brucie is 7."
• Avoid split infinitives.  Infinitives:  "to work" or "to think" or "to laugh."  Write "Max began to laugh joyfully,"  not "Max began to joyfully laugh."  In the last example, "joyfully" splits the infinitive.                                                                                             (Image from tcu.edu)